Falling in love with life again <3

I briefly checked some of my most recent messages on a couple of my social media platforms for the first time in a long time, & was so deeply grateful to see such kind responses to my newer blog posts there 🥺❤️ Thank you so much for everyone who takes the time to read what I have to say, & for your thoughtful feedback & the trust you put into me when you share your own stories in response. <3 I’ve also gotten a lot of messages checking in on me which I’m so grateful for, so I figured I’d post a life update here.

Life for my family & I has been extra busy lately. I’m so excited to share that on both individual & community levels, so much healing has been going on & so much work is getting done. I’m so grateful to be able to see so many beautiful fruits blooming in the work that we do for our communities, & for all the new connections we’re making.

While social media has made many enormous positive impacts on my life, it has also brought some negatives & it’s been good for me to distance myself quite a bit from it for the time being. There’s a lot I don’t like about how people treat each other online, & the way that these apps & algorithms seem to encourage & reward conflict & pile ons & abuse & sometimes bring out the worst in all of us.

I wrote an obnoxiously long blog post earlier this year on some of my feelings about toxic social media interaction norms, & even that long post isn’t even the tip of the iceberg on my feelings on this, & I know I’m far from alone. The way people are treated & piled on for simply even speaking out against & refusing to participate in/walking away from this hostile internet culture certainly doesn’t help. It’s very hard for healing to happen & real work to get done when we’re rewarded for being terrible to each other, & punished for refusing to participate in that or walking away from it. & those who benefit most from our oppression like abusers, the state, & billionaires know this & rely on that. Please read my mentioned blog post on my new digital boundaries if you want to know what I’m referencing when I talk about hostile internet culture here.

All of that being said, I’m seeing more & more people share their commitment to treat each other better & shift a focus to real healing & connection & community. Seeing this work being done & the ways that it uplifts others including marginalized & traumatized people, & also how it plays a big role in both harm reduction & violence prevention has been so inspiring.

If you’re connected with me in my more private community spaces, you likely already know specific details of the work I do & what I’m talking about here but for the privacy of both my coworkers & my clients, I won’t be going into much detail in any public places online about the actual work we’re doing. However, I do want to share how full of hope my heart feels lately because of this work. I’m so deeply grateful for a chance to do some of the kinds of work again that I wasn’t able to do as much during the lockdowns, & to also branch out into new aspects of the work too. It’s all been a very powerful reminder of how badly we all need each other. I wake up so thankful everyday that I’m able to do work that is an intersection of several of the things closest to my heart. I’m so grateful for being able to pour love into people, animals, & the land & to be loved myself by all three.

I’m just now beginning to fully realize the toll that the pandemic has (& in many ways still is) taking on myself & so many others, & how it really hurt a lot of our abilities to communicate with one another in ways that show basic respect for one another as fellow human beings. It’s so easy to lose sight of the fact that the people we’re interacting with online also have trauma, triggers, & complex inner worlds just like us. The lessons I’ve learned on social media, even the hardest ones, have ultimately empowered me to bring even more compassion & healthy, productive conflict resolution skills back to my offline work & I’m thankful for that. Taking a long break from being as active as I once was online has also been a journey to get to know myself all over again, & to remember who I am when I’m not drowning in & being consumed by my wounds both old & new in a hostile public environment.

There’s so much more I would like to say on this topic, particularly the parts about how important community is for both collective & individual healing but it’s been hard to find the time to write longer posts lately because of how busy things are.

But I try to update here when I can because I know I’m very fortunate & grateful to have people who care <3 & while I value & protect my privacy more than ever these days, I also think I would be doing a disservice to both myself & to the countless people who’ve supported me over the years if I didn’t share some of my joys & healing progress. I’m forever grateful for all of the amazing human beings who created safe spaces for me to process my trauma & pain & be open & unfiltered about it all, but I also am realizing more than ever the importance & power of sharing the good things once again too. Seeing other survivors share their progress & healing & joy has been such a huge source of strength & encouragement for me over the years, & if even just one other person reading this takes away some hope that things get better, that means everything to me.

Life gets better, y’all. 🥺❤️ Not all that long ago, I had lost hope that could ever be true for me, but it is. It doesn’t mean my life is even remotely “perfect” now or free of struggle & pain. Trauma deeply impacts lives in really pervasive ways, & certainly has for me so I know this to be true. But it’s also true that there are so many parts of my life, my heart & mind, my dreams & even fresh cells in my body that have never been touched by the people who have abused me. & that’s a beautiful thing.

So for now I’ll leave it with this- please don’t ever underestimate how much we need each other. Please allow others (& yourself) room to grow & heal. Open yourself up to falling in love with life again or maybe for the first time, because there is truly so much beauty left in the world. ❤️ There are still so many memories to be made, so many people yet to love you & be loved by you, & so much healing to come.

& last but definitely not least-thank you so very much to every single person who has contributed at any point in any way to the incredible healing I’ve been experiencing lately, & for those who have been in community with me both offline & online. I love you & appreciate you more than I can even begin to properly express <3

None of this is said to downplay the way that our communities are hurting deeply right now. It’s in many ways a very scary time to be alive & a lot about the future feels very uncertain. But it’s important that we realize &/or remember that our joy is resistance. Our healing is resistance. Our laughter & love is resistance. I know that it can feel terrifying to share our joy, both because of the fear that it can be ripped away at any moment & also because we feel guilty for feeling happiness when so many things are so hard. But just as showing your scars can help create a safe environment for others to share their own & begin to process their pain, I also believe it’s true that sharing our happiness can help others feel supported in finding their own. <3