Unplugging

I’m feeling grateful that I’ve spent most of this year staying off of social media, it genuinely feels like a gift to myself at this point in my life. Good things are happening in my life, but scary, painful & overwhelming things still are too. There’s a lot of beautiful things blooming, but weeds are inevitable too. I’m feeling the need right now to unplug even further, to step away from more personal forms of communication like texting for a bit too, for the most part. It’s hard to focus & to not get caught up in my trauma & go-to numbing routines, but I’m trying hard to let myself feel so I can heal more deeply.

I don’t know when I’ll be posting here on this blog again, but I’m still definitely staying off of social media indefinitely & muting text notifications from everyone but my family & best friend & emergency contacts.

I keep thinking about how a trauma therapy professional I deeply trust told me that I shouldn’t feel guilty for my instinct to isolate myself a bit when things are overwhelming, that it makes perfect sense because of what I’ve gone through. So I’m trying to remember that & give myself my much needed alone time & much needed family time as well, without drowning in guilt for not being as present elsewhere during these moments. I’m realizing it’s perfectly okay to focus on those two things right now, especially when I have very little time or energy or spoons for anything else.

So much has been going on in my family, in our communities, & in my personal life that I’ve been too overwhelmed to take care of myself properly & I’m really feeling that self-neglect heavily right now, but I’m proud of myself for recognizing it & trying to be proactive about getting back on track & showing up for myself again. I know some of you guys know a little about what’s been going on lately, especially my friends from way back when. It’s very hard to heal when trauma from the past is constantly resurfacing in different ways, but I’m trying very hard. Thank you to everyone who has been understanding & patient with me this year ❤️